I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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