Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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