Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
