You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
