I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
