i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
