I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
