I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
