either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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