Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
