So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
