If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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