bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
