Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
