so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
