I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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