The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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