God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
