Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
