just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
