we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
