so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
