so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
