White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
