I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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