Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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