RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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