It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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