Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
