I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
