What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
