I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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