She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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