I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
