maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
