I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't deserve a penis
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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