So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
