"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
