girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
