Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
