The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
