I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
