Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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