Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
