If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
