ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
then he tried to convert me to islam
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
