Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need moral support for this bender
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
