I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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