I am in a vortex of obligation.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
