So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
