I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
