He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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